i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
