get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
