I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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