and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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