I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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