I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
