Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
