end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
