just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
