new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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