Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
