Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
