I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
