He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
