I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We're too hungover to prance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
