I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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