Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
