it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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