Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
