You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
