I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
