That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
