First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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