We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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