she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Found the puke drawer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
