so explain again why im purple
no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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