well I can't set my house on fire every night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just forgot I was standing up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize