He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
