I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
