I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
