I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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