Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
