I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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