yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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