My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
