any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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