Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
