I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
