Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
