Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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