i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
