Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
