no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
