walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
