Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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