I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
