How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She bit a glass in half.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
