I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
