there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
