Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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