I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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