Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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