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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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• (760): View more from California

  I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night

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• (626): View more from California

  im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.

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• (619): View more from California

  I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.

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