It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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