hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
