Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
