good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize