Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
