I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
