Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
