If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize