Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
