I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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