do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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