Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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