no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
