I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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