Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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