I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His nipple licking is glorious
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