Christians are straight up FREAKS
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
