I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
