i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
